My teenage daughter hadn’t caught up with a friend in a while (social distancing and all that), so she asked if they could have a catch up at home and have a baking day. Hey, I thought – if I get to have homemade biscuits when I get home – then why not!
So this week, after a very long day with a few difficult conversations thrown into the mix – I was driving home with a bit of a headache brewing, wondering what mess I was going to be faced with as I walked into the kitchen after all that baking. My daughter’s faced crumbled as I entered the kitchen to find milk all over the floor. The look on her face was of pure terror that I was going to explode.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and just said “whoops - how did that happen?”
My daughter turned to me and said, "Is that it? Is that all you are going to say?" came the response. "Errr, yes," I said. After all – what’s the point of crying over spilt milk?
"I'm impressed," said my partner later, "From the look on your face as you came in the door, I thought the thunder would follow”.
Truth is that thunder was close to the surface. But what I've learnt with age and training is to practice the pause.
It's the gap between event and outcome or O = E - R, where R is response.
This graphic from Marilee Adams beautifully demonstrates it.
When the heat gets turned up, often our patience gets turned down. To avoid ending up in the judger pit, you can use the power of questions to help lengthen the pause between event and outcome, or your response.
As a leader (whether at work or at home), we have to manage our emotions. Emotional control is a key element of what it means to be resilient. Leaders that 'lose it' lose more than their temper. They lose respect, goodwill and discretionary effort.
So, take that moment to pause……. And enjoy your week.
Want to know more about managing your thinking? Send me an email at michelle@bakjacconsulting.com to enquire about coaching to build your personal strategies.
Michelle Bakjac is an experienced Psychologist, Organisational Consultant, Coach, Speaker and Facilitator. As Director of Bakjac Consulting, she is a credentialed Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF) and a member of Mental Toughness Partners and an MTQ48 accredited Mental Toughness practitioner. Michelle assists individuals and organisations to develop their Mental Toughness to improve performance, leadership, behaviour and wellbeing. You can find her at www.bakjacconsulting.com or michelle@bakjacconsulting.com
